BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
