So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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