tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
