I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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