I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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