it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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