Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
