We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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