My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I smell like Dick and happiness
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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