I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize