I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
