I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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