they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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