First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
