If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
