drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
