i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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