No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
