What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The uberlube is also flammable
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
