you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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