My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
