We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
