So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
