yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize