I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
