I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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