note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
