So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
