tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
