you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
