can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
