Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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