My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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