it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize