My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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