absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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