Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
