There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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