well I can't set my house on fire every night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize