I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
