he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
