how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
