just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
