gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
