sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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