I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I cannot find my penis.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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