So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
