FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
