This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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