Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
