State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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