i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
