I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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