I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize