Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
