you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
