Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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