I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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