Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize