im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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