I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
