I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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