Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
