bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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