The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
