Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize