the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
