i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
