Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We're too hungover to prance.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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