i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
