After last night, I could never be a politician.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
