Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
