I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
