I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am one with the molecules
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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