i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
