wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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