Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
