All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
