I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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