I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
