then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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