remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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