Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
