i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
