where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
