Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
