I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
