I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
