he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
