glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
