so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
