So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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