just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
