I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
