nut hugger
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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