Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
